Misunderstanding

 

Whiskey

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending so much of his free time in the local bar, so one night he took her along with him.
"What'll you have?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"

"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

 

In Need of God’s Help

Did you hear about the guy who prayed, ‘Lord, so far today I’ve done all right. I haven’t gossiped, lost my temper, been nasty, greedy or grumpy. But in a few minutes I’m gonna have to get out of bed, then I’m gonna need all the help I can get.’

Bad Timing

Bad Timing
 A parish priest, Father O'Brien, was being honored at a dinner on the 25th anniversary of his arrival in that parish.
 A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic
 Sooo.....Father O'Briend decides to say his own few words while they await the politician's arrival......
 "You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. What is confessed in there to me, is never repeated on the outside.
 However, I got my first impressions of this parish from the first confession I ever heard here.
 Realize, please, that I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here 25 years ago, I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.
 The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set and, when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people at this congregation were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."
 Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived, apologized for his tardiness and then started in on his speech.
 "I want to thank you all for letting me say a few words this evening in here, I had the honor of being the first confession he heard at this congregation."
 Now that is bad timing.

Innocence and Diligence

 

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math.
His parents had tried everything… Tutors,
mentors, flash cards, special learning centers.

In short, everything they could think of to help his math.


Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.

After the first. Day, little Zachary came home with a very
serious look on his face. He didn’t even kiss his mother Hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying

Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work.

His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word and, in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books.

With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an “A” in math.

She could no Longer hold her curiosity.
She went to his room and said, “Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?” Little Zachary looked at her and Shook his head, no.

“Well, then,” she replied, “Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the Uniforms?

WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?”

Little Zachary looked at her and said,

“Well, on The first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around.”